


Wounds That Fester Never Heal

by ponfarts



Category: Almost Human
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, no happy ending, synthetic malfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 01:13:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1207321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ponfarts/pseuds/ponfarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The memory flashes turn into something more than Dorian can handle, and he seeks to end them on his own terms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wounds That Fester Never Heal

It began with that first flash of blue lights across Dorian’s face on the Smart House case.

John had kept his eyes on Dorian, just as Rudy had suggested. John watched Dorian like a hawk. Or, as closely as he could without raising any suspicion in his partner. And what he saw, or lack there of rather, lifted a weight off his chest he hadn't realized was there. John saw no more flashes of blue on Dorian’s cheek, no sudden stopping or pained expressions. And Dorian never asked about it, either. Days turned into weeks, and both seemed to have just forgotten the matter, or at least put it on the back burner. Everything seemed to be going good.

But all good things must come to an end.

John was sitting at his desk, fingers pressing into his temples in a vain attempt to rub away the headache he’d been nursing all day. They were working a case, a government fraud or scandal or… John really couldn’t tell at this point, he was too busy trying to ignore the pounding in his skull.

Dorian was standing to his right, reading up on personnel files on the holo-screen, his voice like a battering ram to John’s already overloaded mind. He was trying not to listen, as best he could, but his partner was going on about how the president of some company had done something or other. John was working up the nerve to ask him to be quiet, if only for just a moment, when Dorian went silent.

John breathed a sigh of relief. He turned his head, looking up to see what caused the sudden hush of his parent. What he saw made his stomach clench and knot in ways he didn’t too much care for.

Dorian’s frame was tense, and the lights just under the skin of his face were going haywire. The neon blue lights flickered and flared like candle flames. John stood, glancing around the bullpen. No one had seemed to notice the change in Dorian’s demeanor. No one that worked with Dorian on a regular basis, at least. Valerie was in the conference room, talking to some couple, and Richard was no where in sight.

John moved around in front of his partner, blocking out as much of him as he could. “Hey, earth to Dorian?” John waved his hand in front of his partners face, giving another uneasy look around him.

Dorian blinked, his face twisting into a look of discomfort. It took him a few seconds to register John’s voice, shaking his head as if to help clear it.

“Dorian, answer me?”

The bot blinked again, finally meeting John’s gaze. “What?”

John gave Dorian a stern look, reaching out and touching his arm. “You were doing it again, man. The disco face. Are you alright?”

Dorian paused, looking past John. “Yes, it was just…”

John finished his sentence. “Another memory.” Dorian nodded. John sighed, letting his hand fall from his partner’s arm. “Was it the same one?”

"I'm not quite sure. But I was a child again." Dorian gave John a look that was almost frightful. "Why does this keep happening to me, man? I thought Rudy fixed this."

John ran a hand over his face, scratching at the stubble of his chin. "I don't know, but we'll figure it out."

The rest of the day was uneventful. Dorian and John managed to close the case with unusual ease, placing the president of the company Dorian had been reviewing under arrest for fraud and laundering money to hackers to make it look like his company was being breached, in an attempts to earn money from his multi-million dollar insurance policy.

It was their shifts end and Dorian rode in silence in the passenger seat of John's car, eyes fixed out the window as the city flashed by. John ventured glances at him every minute or so, but kept his comments to himself.

When he pulled up outside Rudy's work shop, Dorian was unbuckling his seat belt before John had even come to a complete stop.

Dorian pushed open the door and was half way out when John caught his arm. Dorian turned around, his steely blue eyes fixing themselves on John.

"Do you want me to come in with you? We can talk to Rudy." John knew the answer before Dorian even gave it.

Dorian shook his head. "Thank you, but no. I'll tell him myself."

"Right." John let go of his grip on Dorian's arm. "Well, uh... call if you need... uh, anything." John left the words hanging in the air. They weren't a question, but they weren't a statement either.

Dorian held John's gaze for a moment longer before nodding and sliding out of the car, closing the door behind him. John watched him stride off into Rudy's lab, with only the sound of the cars engine to keep him company.

Days past and neither of them brought the subject back up. John assumed Dorian had spoken with Rudy and trusted the two to resolve it.

They fell back into their rhythm as if nothing had changed. Dorian acted like he hadn't had yet another flash of memory and John went along with him.

Until it happened again. And again. And again. The blue lights and Dorian's discomfort was becoming more and more pronounced. At one point, John had to pull Dorian into the hall and out of view from prying eyes during an interrogation.

John held Dorian by his arms, keeping his voice steady and calm as he talked to his partner. Dorian shook his head, his own voice becoming unsteady with each syllable.

"John, what's happening to me?" Dorian asked as the last of blue lights faded from his face. His voice sounded tired, if that were even possible for an android.

John hesitated in answering. He didn't know what to say and he didn't want to give his partner any false hope.

"Am I malfunctioning?" Dorian looked to John. There was a trace of something he recognized as fear behind the bot's eyes.

"Dorian, no." John moved a hand to Dorian's shoulder, holding him steady. 'You aren't like that, so don't even think you are."

Dorian hung his head. He made a noise that confused John. It took him a moment to realize what it was and when he did, the realization hit him like a brick.

Dorian had just sobbed, or as best an android could. The sound was crushing, small and broken and tired. John's face fell as he looked over his partner.

John gambled a gesture, moving his hand to Dorian's face, carefully turning it up to meet his partner's eyes. "You're not like them, Dorian. We'll get this fixed. We'll talk to Rudy today."

And talk they did.

Dorian was resting on Rudy's lab table, wires and cables plugged into the back of his neck as he charged. John took the opportunity while Dorian was out to speak to Rudy.

He didn't go into detail. He explained that he needed to keep a better eye on his partner. Rudy understood, albeit he was disappointed to be losing his roommate.

"I don't understand why it's happening still," Rudy said. He gestured to the data displayed on the screen. "I shut down all the access points. It should have stopped weeks ago."

John huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Well it hasn't, and it's starting to mess with his head."

"Hm," Rudy glanced at the unconscious Dorian. "He deserves better."

John sighed, and turned his attention to Rudy. "Just keep working on it, alright? I don't want him stressing over this anymore."

"Of course, John. I'll do everything I can."

~*~*~*~

They'd left Rudy's lab a few hours later. Dorian had woken up mid-charge and John hadn't seen any reason to stay. Rudy was running analysis on the memory data and John needed fresh air.

They walked outside, lingering in the cool air for a moment. John glanced at Dorian out of the corner of his eye. He looked thoughtful. John could tell by his face that he was struggling to understand what was happening to him.

"What do you say we get something to eat?" Before Dorian protest by telling John, once again, that he doesn't eat, John was striding to his car, which unlocked withnanbeep as he neared.

Dorian followed, climbing into the car after John. "You should cut back on how much junk you're eating, John. It's beginning to affect your performance."

John smiled, despite the jab. "Are you calling me fat?"

John saw Dorian grin, his smile reflected in the windshield. "Not at all, but as your partner, your health is my concern. You should try eating whole foods, and more fruits and vegetables."

"Thank you, doctor Dorian, I will take your advice into consideration."

"And ignore it." Dorian quipped back.

John shrugged as he drove down the road. "Probably."

A silence settled over them until John pulled into a small parking lot, outside a building whose front was lit by flashing neon lights. Dorian sat still as John cut the car off and started to climb out.

“You coming?”

Dorian shook his head. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to just sit here.”  
“Alright,” John started to move away from the car when he stopped and ducked back down. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

Dorian shook his head with a small smile. “I appreciate the gesture John, but I don’t need anything.”

John nodded, and stood up, calling to him that he wouldn’t be too long as he shut the door behind him. He darted into the building, coming out a short time later with a bag of food in one hand, and a drink in the other. He popped the back door of his car open, and sat the food in the seat then climbed into the front and quickly pulled out of the parking lot.

The ride to John’s apartment wasn’t anything to remember. Dorian didn’t talk much, and John was too busy thinking about the food in the back. They pulled into the garage under the apartment complex, and trooped their way to the elevator, letting it carry both their tired bodies to to John’s apartment.

John gave no flashy tour of his apartment, no apologies for the state of it. He simply pushed open the door and tossed his keys onto the nearest surface. Dorian followed him in, eyes scanning the place with a sort familiarity. John told him to make himself at home as he unpacked his food and began to eat.

John ate from the kitchen, standing and watching as Dorian slowly walked around his apartment. Occasionally he’d touched something; a bookshelf, the counter, the back of the sofa. His fingers flickering blue the whole time, sending Dorian signals that John would never understand. And so it went; John eating, Dorian exploring. The night grew longer and John grew more tired. Even Dorian seemed to be running a little ragged.

John threw his trash away, and washed his hands, wiping them dry on his jean. “Hey, man. You’re charging pod is already set up if you’d like to hook up.” Dorian looked up at him from the sofa where he’d decided to rest. John nodded toward his room, which took up most of his apartments square footage.

“I really appreciate this, man.” Dorian said as he pushed himself from the couch, his low charge beginning to take a toll on him.

John waved him off. “Don’t mention it,”

Dorian crossed into John’s room, but John didn’t see him climb into the charging pod. He flipped off the lights to the kitchen and living room and then made his way to his room. Dorian was already out when he rounded the corner, his face relaxed and free of the stress that had been so evident during the day.

John sat on a stool near his charging table he kept close by, and made short work of detaching his leg and setting it to charge for the night. He hopped the short distance to his bed, and fell with a heavy sigh into the mattress.

“Lights off,” the lights dimmed around him, and before John could even turn over to get comfortable, he was asleep.

But the comfort of sleep didn’t last long.

John’s eyes cracked open, throbbing as he read the bright image display of his clock. It was displaying two-thirty in the morning. He’d only been asleep for a few hours. He rolled onto his side, pushing himself onto his elbow as his eyes adjusted to the dark room and his ears strained for the noise that at pulled him from unconsciousness.

He saw the shape of the charging pod, the faint pinkish glow lighting the corner of his room. But it was empty. John sat up straighter, his body becoming more alert.

“Dorian?”

There was rustle from somewhere on the floor, and quiet thumb. John scrambled off the end of his bed, hobbling his way to the shape on the floor. He knelt heavily next to Dorian, resting his hands to his shoulders.

“Dorian, what’s wrong?”

The bot was shaking. Physically shaking. Something John didn’t know could happen. “Come on, man, talk to me.” John pleaded, trying to pry Dorian’s hands away from his head.

His voice was small, almost a whisper. John barely caught what he said. “Nightmare.” John was stunned silent, hands still wrapped around Dorian’s wrists. Dorian let out a moan, leaning into John, his hands dropping to cover his eyes.

John didn’t know what to do, or what to say. He caught glimpses of the blue lights on Dorian’s face, firing inconsistently. John sighed, and pulled at Dorian, doing his best to bring himself and his partner to their feet.

“Come on,”

John managed to stand, but wobbled dangerously as he pulled Dorian up right. He lead Dorian to his bed, or at least he’d like to think he did. They both collapsed on the mattress, Dorian still shaking violently. John pulled him against his side, wrapping his arm around Dorian’s shoulders and holding him tight.

“Just relax,” John heard himself say. He was fully awake now, all his attention on his partner. He wasn’t sure how long it took Dorian to settle down, but he did eventually, and soon he grew still against John’s chest. John’s eyes began to drift close, and for the second time that night, he fell asleep quicker than he imagined possible.

~*~*~*~

When John woke up that morning, he knew something was wrong. His arms were draped over his stomach, and the sheets were pulled away. He stretched his hand out toward his partner, but only felt the cool fabric of where he’d been.

His heart dropped.

He scrambled to get out of his apartment, falling not once but twice in his haste to get his leg attached right. He ran as fast as the artificial limb would allow him out his door and to his car.

He peeled out of the apartment parking garage complex and hit the gas, flooring his car forward. His fumbled with his phone, using the voice command to direct a call to Dorian.

A record voice filled his car. "Unable to connect." John's stomach sank.

"Redial," John flipped on the sirens of his car as he wove in and out of traffic.

"Unable to connect."

"Redial!"

"Unable to connect."

John slammed his hand into the wheel, cursing in desperation. "Redial!"

"Unable to connect."

John slug his phone away, hearing the tech shatter against the inside of the passenger door. The drive to the precinct seemed endless, and when he skidded into the parking lot, he couldn't get out of his car fast enough. He sprinted inside, leaving the lights of his car flashing. He pushed past the MX’s and ignored the shocked looks of the cops as he staggered into the bullpen. His captain was there, talking to Richard. She looked up when she saw John, her face immediately falling.

“Where is he?” All eyes were on John, both real and synthetic. Most looked sympathetic, some confused. Maldonado turned and said something to Richard, he nodded and walked away from her, moving through the bullpen toward John. Richard gave him a small nod, but made no other motion to greet him. John was beginning to feel frantic at this point, and he had to lean on the nearest desk just to stay up right.

Maldonado made a move toward him, but he held his hand up, stopping her. “John,”

“Just tell me where he is.”

She hesitated, biting her lip. “Don’t you think we should talk in my office?”

“Where is my partner, Sandra?”

She stiffened at the sound of her name, along with the rest of the officers. She sighed, her body going slack. “He was decommissioned, John. At his own request.”

The air in John’s lungs rushed out of him, like he’d be punched in the gut. He staggered back as the world seemed to tip under him. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see Detective Stahl, a too comforting smile on her face.

He stood there for a moment, staring at his friend. Her face and touch showed sympathy, but it just wasn’t registering with John. He carefully slid out from her touch and turned away. He heard Maldonado call for him, but he kept walking.

He walked out of the bullpen, and out of the precinct. He walked to his car and climbed in, driving off without a word or glance back. And he kept driving. He drove for hours, mindlessly weaving through traffic. At one point he remembered to turn his lights off.

It was getting dark and John was still driving. He wanted to go home, but he couldn’t bring himself to. There was only one place he wanted to be. So he drove himself there.

It only took about ten minutes before he was pulling up outside the big, official looking building. He turned the car off and sat in silence in his car, trying to work up the courage to go inside.

But his body was ahead of his mind, and he was climbing out of the car, pocketing his keys and closing the door behind him. He strode through the parking lot, barely stopping to wait for the automatic doors to slide open. His legs carried him through the building, to the back where a locked door was.

He swiped his badge over the scanner, and shouldered his way into the room. He walked past the desk, ignoring the protest of the security guard behind it. He walked past holding pod after holding pod until he stopped in front of the only one that matter.

He faced the lifeless form of his partner, arms slack by his sides and eyes black as coal. John’s heart tightened in his chest, and he felt his knees weaken under him. How long he stood there, just staring at Dorian, he didn’t know. He couldn’t remember.

“You didn’t even say goodbye.” John’s voice was gruff, tired from the emotions of the day. Dorian stared back in response. John knew he wouldn’t answer, but he half expected him to. All at once John’s emotions became too much and he squeezed his eyes shut as tears began to prick at the corners.

It was stupid and embarrassing and he knew it was, but that didn’t stop him. That didn’t stop the small cry that slipped from his lips. That didn’t stop him clenching his fists so hard that his nails cut into his palms.

He felt betrayed, and disappointed, and so very alone.

He took another look up at his partner’s lifeless face, and as he did, Dorian’s words echoed in his memory.

_"I like you, too._

John let out a laugh. One that was more air than sound. One that was weighted down with his pain. He wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand and took a steady breath to calm himself.

Every fiber in his body wanted to wake Dorian up. To yell at him for leaving. To scream at him and to cuss at him for not letting him help.

But he couldn’t bring himself too. Dorian had wanted this. He had requested this himself. And as angry was John was, he wasn’t going to disrespect his partner’s wishes for the satisfaction of getting his revenge.

John turned on the spot and walked back out the way he came. He stopped though, just before Dorian was out of eyesight. One last look at his partner.

One last look at the one who’d saved him.

“I like you too, Dorian.”  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this started out as just, like, a dumb little headcanon, but it morphed into this. I'm kind of pleased with the writing, but also kind of not, because I feel as if I really rushed it in some places. I may fix them at a later date, but it just depends... Also this one is for Nicole. Nicole Urban.


End file.
